20- When a Date Isn’t Really a Date

When the alarm clock went off at 6:35 am Monday morning, Nicky struggled to get out of bed. Normally, she had no problems waking up for work, but for whatever reason she had difficulty sleeping the night before. She had been thinking a lot of the wedding, and perhaps that kept her awake, or maybe it was the big work project she had looming. Nicky wasn’t sure what it was, but thankfully, she had a date tonight to clear her mind. It had been several weeks since Nicky had gone on a date, and it gave her something to look forward to.

Nicky’s date was with Stephen Schein. The two met each other a few weeks earlier at an Avon marketing event. He was tall, handsome, athletic, and bold – just like Nicky- and he didn’t waste anytime approaching her at the mixer. The minute he saw Nicky, Stephen walked right up, and said, “hi.” That was it. No opening lines, no gimmicks, no smiles from across the room, no magic tricks -just a straight approach with tactful execution.

The two didn’t talk much at the event, but Nicky figured he was worth the extra business card. Nicky didn’t know much about Stephen, other than he was in marketing and they both had competing accounts. Nicky assumed they would have plenty in common since they were both in marketing, but she also didn’t want to put too much weight on his job. She had been let down before by shallow, selfish, egotistical men and Nicky made up her mind she would go into this date with an open mind. Perhaps Charlie was right: maybe she needed to delve deeper into a man’s soul.

When Nicky got to work that morning, she looked stunning. She bought a new Ann Taylor dress for this evening, and it was a high-return investment. The long silk dress flattered every part of her figure, along with her new Stuart Weitzman shoes. Nicky’s confidence was running high that morning, but it jumped another notch after Alex saw her in the hallway at work.

“Whoa. Are you moonlighting as a Macy’s model?” Alex asked.

How cute, she thought, Macy’s model. Nicky never told anyone but when she was 6 years old, she had modeled for Macy’s. She hated modeling at first, but after a few sessions, she learned to love the attention, especially after her mother handed her that first, crisp $100 bill for her work.

Nicky spent that first paycheck at –where else—Bloomingdales, albeit in the kid’s section. While other 6-year-old girls were playing with dolls, Nicky was already mixing and matching clothes and accessories at Bloomingdales. Her mother could never figure out where or how Nicky developed that shopping urge, but then again, who do you think was the first person to take Nicky to Bloomingdales? Her mother.

“No, I have a date tonight,” Nicky said.

She wasn’t sure if saying that made Alex jealous, but she definitely liked the expression on his face.

“A date?” Alex coughed. “Oh really. With who?”

Alex followed Nicky to her office.

“I met a guy a couple of weeks ago at an Avon event. He invited me out for drinks tonight.”

“Oh, that’s not a date. That’s drinks,” he said.

“Of course it’s a date.”

“Nick, I’m a guy. I know these things. It’s not a date, but have fun.” Alex was about to leave Nicky’s office, when she stopped him.

“Wait a second there Mister, what do you mean it’s not a date? You can’t just drop that bomb and walk away. Rewind yourself and explain,” she said.

Alex turned around slowly.

“Okay, how did he say it?” Alex asked.

“He said, what are you doing on Monday? Let’s get a drink after work if you’re free.” The memory was intact, and the words were verbatim, Nicky said.

“Then you’re getting drinks. That’s not a date,” Alex said.

“Well, what’s the difference?”

Nicky and Alex never minced words with each other. They told each other how it was, without ever worrying about revealing too much. When they shared stories, they spoke from their hearts, without fear of reprisal. This was one of those times when Alex didn’t think twice about telling Nicky what men really thought before they asked a woman out.

“Alright, for a guy drinks are drinks,” Alex said. “It doesn’t involve planning. He picks a bar and you both show up. If the date turns into a dud, he’s only out a couple of drinks. Plus, he can easily get out of it within an hour. If it goes well, he’s got a drunk girl on his hand. And, if it really goes well, you get promoted to dinner.”

Nicky was glued to his sociology lecture.

“Now,” Alex started walking around Nicky’s office, like a University professor, giving a speech. He picked up a pen on Nicky’s desk and pointed at the wall. His voice was animated.

“If a guy –first- asks you out to dinner, that is a date. It’s a much bigger investment, plus it involves planning. He needs to find a restaurant with the right atmosphere. He has to research prices. He might even need to, God forbid, pick up the phone and make a reservation. It might sound like petty work to you, but from a guy’s point of view, it’s an investment.”
Nicky listened with a pencil in her mouth.

“So, that is what distinguishes whether it’s a date or drinks in a guy’s mind. You should have demanded dinner,” Alex said.
“I want dinner,” Nicky whined. “I’m being cheated. I don’t want to just be his drinking pal.”
“If it was me, I would have asked you out to dinner,” Alex said. “You are definitely dinner material.”

Nicky threw her pencil at Alex’s feet.

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself. You’re not off the hook,” Nicky said.

“You really want to know how to turn the tables on this guy?”

“Of course,” Nicky said. She rubbed her hands together.

“Then you order dinner,” Alex said. “Turn it into a dinner date without him realizing it. By the time he’s on his second drink, he’ll think, oh, this is a date. Plus, he’ll hold you in higher esteem, since he’s already invested money on you.”

“That’s it? Just order dinner? It sounds so simple,” Nicky said.

“Guys are simple minded,” Alex said. “Don’t make it complicated. When the waitress comes, just tell her you want to see a menu. What’s he going to do, tell you to not eat? No. And last thing, never order food in the bar section. Bar food doesn’t count as dinner.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Price and ambiance. It’s easier to hold his attention if you’re one on one in the restaurant.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” Nicky asked.

“I thought you knew. Don’t all girls know this?”

“No,” Nicky said.

Later that night, Nicky put Alex’s strategy to the test.

When she got to the crowded bar, Stephen was already drinking a cocktail, eating the free chips and salsa at the bar inside the restaurant. He was a handsome man, and well over 6’3”. He had dark hair and dark eyes, and a five o-clock shadow. He was wearing a dark blue suit with a green button up dress shirt, but he wasn’t wearing a tie. Stephen’s collar was opened, showing his white undershirt. When Nicky walked up to him, Stephen stood in a Southern, gentleman kind-of-way, and kissed her on the cheek. He pulled up a chair for her to sit down.

“You look absolutely beautiful,” he said. “What can I get you to drink?”

Normally, Nicky would have been flattered by his Southern manners, but now, she felt like she had better insight into what he was thinking.

Bar food? No way, she thought. She was better than that.

Nicky looked around the bar and restaurant.

“It’s kind of crowded in here. Why don’t we go over to the restaurant? It will be easier to talk,” she said.

Stephen rolled with the situation. He grabbed his drink from the bar, his coat from the chair, and led Nicky to the restaurant where the hostess seated them at the best table. It faced out toward the bar, great for people-watching, but ironically, it was their table being watched. Together, with their good looks and fashion-forward clothes, Nicky and Stephen forced others to look their way.

“I’m glad we could meet for a drink. That was some Avon event,” Stephen said.

“It was,” Nicky said. “And we landed that account. It will be interesting to see how we can change the public’s opinion on that company.”

When the waitress approached their table, Nicky and Stephen were comfortable in conversation. She dropped off menus and took their drink orders. Stephen pushed the menu away from him.

“I am so famished,” Nicky said, grabbing the menu. “I haven’t eaten in four hours.”

“I’m not really that hungry. I’ll just have a Jack and Coke,” he said to the waitress.

“Well I could eat for two.” Nicky ran her fingers down the prices on the right hand side of the menu. Even if he wasn’t hungry, Nicky thought, he would pay for two.
When the waitress approached a few minutes later, she looked at Nicky, but Stephen spoke first.

“Why don’t you just bring us an order of calamari,” he said.

The waitress wrote it down. Her pen stayed on the notepad, waiting for Stephen to continue, but after five-seconds, she looked up from her notepad.

“Is that it?” she asked.

“That’s it,” Alex said. He handed the waitress his menu. The waitress turned towards Nicky.

“How’s your Cobb Salad?” Nicky asked.

The waitress smiled enthusiastically.

“It’s great. I’m a total salad lover, and we make one of the best Cobb Salads in the city,” the waitress said.

“Then I’ll have that,” Nicky said.

The waitress closed her pad, assuming Nicky was done ordering.

“Wait,” Nicky said. “I’m not done. I’ll have that for starters. Now for the main course, I’ll have your salmon and baked potato entrée, a side order of French fries, and a Diet Coke. And can you bring us a bottled water?”

Nicky winked at the waitress.

“Sure thing,” the waitress said.

Stephen looked down at his watch. Nicky was relieved to see his reaction. At least, this time she saw his true colors on the first date, or rather their first night of drinks.