26- A New Appreciation for Life

When bad news strikes, you never forget where you were or how you heard it. I was walking into a music store about to buy new guitar strings when my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the phone number, and I almost didn’t answer it because I assumed it was probably the wrong number. But I guess I let my intuition kick in. Instead of hitting ‘ignore’ on my phone, like I typically would have done for an unrecognized number, I hit ‘answer.’
“Hello.”
“Elsa, it’s Alex,” came the voice on the other end of the line. He sounded a bit frantic.
I had met Alex a few times throughout the years, but I didn’t know him on a familiar basis outside of Nicky. I was also positive I had never given him my cell phone number. My gut knew instantly something was wrong.
Maybe it was his trembling voice, or perhaps my subconscious kicked in, but I knew whatever came out of his mouth wouldn’t be good news.
“I’m at the hospital,” he said. “Nicky’s been hit by a car. I think you should come over right now.”
It took less than three seconds for him to say that, yet in my mind, I had hours to ask follow-up questions: What do you mean Nicky’s in the hospital? How? My Nicky? This is Alex, her friend from work, right? Do you have the right Elsa? Are you calling the right number? What’s going on? Why are these thoughts going through my head? Nothing bad could possibly happen to my Nicky. Oh, my God, something bad happened to Nicky. I can feel it. What if something happened to her? I’d die without her.
“Oh my God,” I screamed. The people in the music store looked at me, but I didn’t care what they thought. “Which hospital? I’m on my way.”
When I got to the hospital, I felt like I was walking into a foreign land. Nothing looked or sounded familiar. Even the smell was different. The way people walked, it was all so morbid. The clothes they wore lacked life and personality. The voices they used seemed to cast doubt and questions on the very purpose of living.
And their eyes, everyone’s eyes, were so full of pain. It was like everyone popped a zombie pill before they entered the hospital’s doors. When I ran into the emergency waiting room and looked around for Alex, I felt numb, like I was entering a different dimension that led to a place called hell. The smell made me want to vomit.
I must have been a walking zombie too because I didn’t recognize Alex when I saw him. I looked right through him without realizing it was him. He ran up to me as soon as he saw me.
Alex’s eyes were swollen and bloodshot, like he had been crying. The look on his face expressed emptiness, loneliness. I wanted to cry when I saw his pain.
“Where’s Nicky?” I asked.
“She’s in the emergency room,” he said. “They won’t let me in. They say only family is allowed.”
“Have you called Nicky’s Dad? Oh, my God, he’s going to have a heart attack,” I said, knowing how close Nicky was to her Dad. “They have to break this news gently to him.”
“I called him but his phone isn’t turned on,” Alex said. “I left a calm message on his voicemail. I hope it was calm. I don’t know if it was calm. I don’t even remember what I said.”
He was mumbling his words. I grabbed Alex and pulled him in. I knew at that moment, I had to be the strong person. He was in a delicate state, and I knew if I showed any fear or doubt, the world around him and my closest friends would collapse.
“Alex, listen to me right now.” I put my left hand on his shoulder and pointed my fingers at his eyes, then mine. “Nicky is going to be okay. But we need to stay strong for her. She doesn’t want us to worry right now about her. I know Nicky. She loves us dearly, and she wouldn’t want us to be crying right now. She’ll be okay.”
My words sunk in, even though I wasn’t sure if I believed them. Alex shook his head yes.
“You’re right, she’s going to be okay. She’s going to be okay,” he whispered. He breathed in and out, whispering it over and over again.
“Why don’t you sit down,” I said.
I lead Alex to a chair in the corner of the waiting room.
“Who else did you call?” I asked. “Did you call Mary and Charlie?”
“No, I only called you and her Dad,” Alex said. “I knew you two would be the only people she would want me to call.”
Oh, her Dad. Nicky was the pride and joy of that man. His entire life revolved her. Nicky acted like a princess because her Dad always told her she was one. He was a strong force in her life, and Nicky depended on him for everything. He was her emotional bank and financial statement.
Nicky was the only child growing up. Her father never told me, but I could tell Nicky brought a sense of purpose to his life whenever she was around him. I knew Nicky’s Dad was a workaholic, yet when she called him, he put all priorities aside and made her the center of his universe.
I first met Nicky’s dad when she moved into my dorm room freshman year. I was only 17 years old, but I could already discern he was one of those proud doting fathers. I didn’t know it that day, but I later learned Nicky’s mom had passed away from cancer the previous year, and her mother’s year long battle with cancer brought father and daughter closer together.
I could tell Nicky’s Dad was sad saying goodbye to his baby in the dorm room, but I’m not quite sure Nicky recognized the pain in his heart. To Nicky, college life was a new opportunity for her to escape the pain of losing her mother the previous year. It was a new start in life.
“Does your work know she was in an accident?” I asked Alex. “Are they going to call her Dad and scare him?”
“No, I called work and told them she was in an accident and I was going with her to the emergency room,” Alex said. “I told them I would call her Dad.”
Alex pulled a cell phone from his coat pocket. I recognized it as Nicky’s feminine, fashionably slim cell phone. He handed it to me without saying a word.
I grabbed the phone and scrolled through Nicky’s numbers. I went straight to ‘Daddy’ in her contact list and hit send. I prayed he would answer the phone when he saw the caller ID show Nicky was calling.
The call went straight to voicemail again.
I assumed Nicky’s dad was on a plane, and that’s why his cell phone was turned off. I called her father at work, and sure enough, I was right. His secretary told me Robert Webb was traveling to the West Coast and he would be out of communication range for the next four hours. I gave his secretary my cell number and told her Nicky’s dad needed to call me as soon as he got this message.
It involved Nicky, I said, and without questions, his secretary told me she would leave a calm message for him to call right away.
None of the hospital nursing staff would answer any of our questions. They insisted on only talking to Nicky’s dad. I explained to the nurses that we were Nicky’s family, but they said federal laws, called HIPPA, prevented them from disclosing any private information to anyone who was not related. The head nurse assured us she wanted to tell us more and understood our anxiety, but she gave me a look like her hands were tied. I didn’t press anymore.