27- Waiting and Praying for Life

Less than 30 minutes had passed when Charlie came running into the emergency waiting room. A minute later, Mary followed him in. I brought Mary and Charlie up to speed on everything I knew, which was pretty much nothing. We could only sit and wait and pray. I have never felt so hopeless in my life.
The day soon turned to night, and we still didn’t know anything new. The nursing staff had changed shifts and relocated us to another waiting room, in a different section of the hospital. But even the new nursing staff wouldn’t answer any of our questions. The only thing they would tell us was that Nicky was still alive.
We didn’t know if that was good or bad, but we held onto it as hope that she would be fine. The nursing staff must have recognized our delicate state because they offered us water, and every hour someone would approach us and ask if we needed anything.
Around 9pm, the doctor came out and introduced himself to us. We all jumped when he asked the room if anyone knew Nicky Webb. He said he was the lead surgeon, and assured us he would tell us everything as soon as he spoke with Nicky’s dad and had him sign the HIPPA legal document. I think the doctor could feel our pain and anxiety because he nonchalantly brought his mouth close to my ear and whispered, “don’t worry, she’s going to be okay. I promise you.”
It was the only string of hope I needed to keep everyone else together.
About an hour later, my cell phone vibrated with a 310 area code and I knew it was Nicky’s dad. There was a sign that said cell phone use was prohibited in the waiting room, but I couldn’t dare miss this phone call. I answered the phone and asked Mr. Webb to hold on while I walked outside of the building, onto the sidewalk.
“Please tell me Nicky is okay,” he said when I got outside. Nicky’s dad sounded like a child full of fear.
“Yes, Mr. Webb, Nicky is going to be fine,” I said in a voice that was as calm as I could project. “The doctor promised me that already, but he said he needs to have a family member here before he can divulge any more information. Are you still in California?”
“Yes, I just got your message,” Mr. Webb said. “My cell battery died, and I almost died in the process after I heard something happened to Nicky. I’m on the next flight back to New York. Can I talk to the doctor?”
I read him the name and phone number from the business card the surgeon gave me. I wanted to tell Nicky’s dad, please, call me every hour and tell me anything and everything the surgeon says, but I also didn’t want to add more fear to the situation. Nicky’s dad was still a good eight hours away from New York, and that was assuming there was a non-stop flight available when he got to the airport. The added tension wouldn’t make time pass any faster.
“If you hear anything, please let us know. I will be here when you arrive,” I said.
“I don’t have a cell phone right now, but I will call you as soon as I’m on that flight with all of the details,” he said. “Thank you for being there right now.”
We hung up.
I looked around the hospital’s exterior and suddenly saw a new world. I had walked by this hospital a million times, but I never paid attention to it. The red and white emergency room signs, the street lights, the cement steps leading into the main hospital corridor all had no meaning to me in the past. The hospital was just like any other building. It could have been an office building or legal office for all I cared. I never gave any thought to the people behind those doors and windows, hurting and praying for some sign of God at every second of the day. I never felt their pain.
In the past, I had no emotional ties to the building and people inside, but now, as I studied the building’s façade, I felt it evolve before my eyes. I could now feel the sense of desperation behind the brick and mortar walls. I walked across the street and sat on the curb. I stared at the building from a child’s point of view, looking up at the giant building just as a child would. Then, I broke down and started to cry.
After 20 minutes, I knew I had to walk back inside and face the situation just like everyone else. The gang was probably worried about me and they already had enough on their minds.
When I walked back into the waiting room, Charlie was laying down on the couch, his shirt was untucked. His eyes were closed, and his forearm was resting on his forehead. William and Mary were sitting on the other couch. William held Mary in his arms as they watched CNN on the television. Alex was staring out the fourth-story waiting room window, looking down on the people walking on the street.
I looked at my watch and it read 11:33pm. I walked over to Charlie on the couch and nudged him.
“Charlie, why don’t you go home and get some rest,” I said.
He slowly opened his eyes and rubbed them.
“I think she needs me here,” he mumbled.
“I think Nick will need you more tomorrow when we see her and if you stay on this couch all night, you’re not going to be of much help when we really need you,” I said.
Mary and William walked over to us.
“You guys too, why don’t you go home,” I said to them. “We’re going to see Nicky in the morning and if we stay awake tonight, no one is going to be alert tomorrow when the doctor talks to us.”
No one quite knew what to do or where to go. We all kind of looked at each other, waiting for someone else to take the lead. Then Mary quietly nodded her head towards Alex, who was still looking out the window, all by himself.
Alex looked sad, like an orphan without a home. Without saying a word, Mary walked over to him and put her arms around him.
“She’s my best friend,” Alex said.
“I know,” Mary shook her head. She gently massaged his back.
“What if something happens to her? I can’t live without her,” Alex said. “I really love her.”
“Nothing is going to happen to her, Alex,” Mary said. “The doctor already assured us she would be okay. He promised that to Elsa. He’s not going to lie to us.”
“Then why aren’t they letting us see her?” Alex asked. “She must not be awake. She must be in a coma. It doesn’t make any sense, none of this makes any sense.”
Alex sat down on the chair next to him.
Charlie, William and I walked over.
“Look everyone. It’s late, and it’s obvious, we’re not going to hear anything tonight,” I said. “Nicky’s dad is on a flight back home and he should be here in the morning. I know it’s going to be hard for all of us to sleep, but we should just go home. Go sleep in your bed and come back in the morning.”
“She’s right,” William said.
“I don’t want to go home,” Alex said.
“Then come over to our house,” William said without prompting. “We’ll watch some tv and come back together in the morning. We have a couch that turns into a bed.”
“Can I come too?” Charlie asked.
Mary put her arm around Charlie.
“Of course you can come Charlie, but no spooning Alex. He’s our guest, and I don’t want you feeling him up while he’s vulnerable.”
We laughed and walked outside together.
I was looking forward to seeing the sun in the morning. I wished this was a horrible dream that would disappear after I woke up, but I knew it wasn’t. Tomorrow, I would learn the uncertainty of tonight: was Nicky really going to be okay?